Other People's Families, Two

Some people have a handle on particular theatre reviewers:  X likes tortured dramas, Y goes for musical revivals.  For me, it's more elusive.  Margo Jefferson, critic-at-large for the New York Times looked at productions in a way that I could depend on.  But no more.  Cureently writing and teaching, she's traveling the country to talk about her recent book on Michael Jackson.  Her refreshing take on culture can be heard in Columbus, Ohio, on November 9.

So who is Rob Kendt who wrote this review in the Times?  Just before we saw our current favorite movie, "51 Birch Street,"  we saw "Southern Comforts," this play about an older couple, 60-plus widowers, who find romance.  Why did Mr. Kendt reveal the ending in his third paragraph ?  Otherwise his assessment was accurate, "...unshowy, affectingly plain-spoken...an economical mix of incident and introspection."

Penny Fuller plays a trim southern woman who has come to visit her daughter in New Jersey.  Helping out the local church, she knocks on Larry Keith's front door.  These two actors have long histories in musical theatre; it was delightful to watch seasoned professionals.  While Ms. Fuller has no spare fat, Mr. Keith is overweight and lumpy.  Would a director cast a woman who looks like him; I don't think so.  He negotiated a challenging bit of business that required going in and out of a window while carrying a huge storm window.  As I watched anxiously--I'd seen Ron do this kind of maneuver before we abandoned Baltimore house for NYC apartment --I decided he must be in better shape than he looks!

Watching this play and the movie 51 Birch Street, I was reminded  how focused American culture is on a particular view of happiness.  Where are the stories of elders comfortable in their singleness?  Yes,  it's wonderful that each of the men found a more satisfying connection late in life than in early marriages.  But what about the widows who had good relationships and are not looking to replicate them.  Or do not choose to do do so?  They, along with never-married older women deserve to have their lives and choices celebrated on stage, in film.  With growing numbers of   women over 50 without partners, there might be an eager audience open to reflections of this reality.

That's what the producers of "Hats! A New Musical for the Rest of Your Life" are aiming for.   If you've not heard of The Red Hat Society, you're moments away from learning more than you may want to know.  The organization,   founded only eight years ago, has 1.5 million women members in 50 states, 30 countries--all over 50.  The other day I met a woman who said she'd tried to join the Society in New York, was told all the local chapters were filled, but she was welcome to begin one herself!  Their goal is to have fun period.  Wearing red  hats is a way to indicate their intention.   

Founder, Sue Ellen Cooper, "Exalted Queen Mother," began the group because many women feel invisible as they age and red hats get the attention they need.  Realizing this was a terrific market to capture, the producers of the musical convinced the Society they'd be respectful, signed Kathie Lee Gifford as one of their songwriters.    The show opened this month in Denver where it received giddy, positive reviews.  Too cute for my taste but it may open the door to other views of women as we age.  One hopes.

Comments

[Rhea]

The first I heard of the Red Hat Society was a year or two ago in Savannah, Ga. I was in a drag bar, where Lady Chablis was performing. (She's the drag queen popularized by the book "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil") and all these ladies were there in red hats. They looked they were having fun.

[Ronni Bennett]

The basis for the Red Hat Society and their penchant for red hats and purple dresses was Jenny Joseph's 1961 poem, Warning which begins, "When I am an old woman I shall wear purple with a red hat that doesn't go and doesn't suit me..."

The poem is paean to individuality, something I have never been able to suss out of a large group of women dressed identically in red and purple. The club misses the point of the poem entirely.

As to their sole purpose of having fun, I once objected to the club for that superficiality. And I cannot imagine myself saying something like, "Oh, sorry, I can't meet you today. I'm going out with my Red Hat Hotties club." Puh-leeze - the names of those clubs. Oy.

But nowadays, I'm embarrassed for these millions of women who travel in identically-dressed packs out for fun in an era where there is hardly an aspect of life in the U.S. that is not in serious trouble. Think of what that many women could accomplish toward, for example, gaining health coverage for the one-sixth of Americans who have none if they believed there was something more to life than fun.

[Virginia DeBolt]

You said, "Where are the stories of elders comfortable in their singleness?" I don't think I was ever completely comfortable until I was single. It isn't comfort so much a peace. Drama is okay when you're young, but peace is what it's all about for me now. A nice walk in the morning, a good book in the afternoon, an occasional dinner with friends--nirvana.

[dez]

Whoops, forgot to add -- if you go to my blog post of 10-24-05 I have a post about Red Hats, too.

[sahara]

While I feel slightly embarrassed about the Red Hat Society, I understand their need for the goal of having fun. Many of those women probably have displaced 20 to 30 years of their lives (or more if they had younger siblings), so others could have fun. Between work, and the irresponsibility of men and kids, how much fun can you have? And I bet many of them have done more than their share of volunteering, so that strangers could benefit.

So when is it time? I haven't heard of any men who comptemplate this (probably 'cause they're irresponsible). ;)

[sahara]

I hope there is more celebration of the lives of women over 50 without partners (or with younger ones, hey!). I'm watching the sadness rate increase amoung my peers. And the younger women? They're not gonna age well. The suicide rate will increase as they begin to look at it as an option, instead of a fist shake at the creator, or failure. As in oh well, I'm not thin anymore, men don't really look at me, I have wrinkles and grey hair, and may not even be employable. What's the point?